Monday, 7 August 2017

Advice for parents of trans kids from Iran

I found this on an Iranian website made by trans people for trans people there. It is advising parents of  trans children what to do. It was translated from the Persian by Google Translate so I have tidied it up a bit, as in my experience automated translation programmes struggle with things like pronouns at the best of times, but hopefully it has not lost its meaning. I just wanted to share it, because I found it so touching and passionate about how parents need to protect their children, especially if they are trans. There are many things we can learn from these people in Iran, in particular how the most important thing parents can do for their trans child is to give them unconditional love.

"If you are a parent of a transsexual child, you should know that it is harder to explain to your relatives and acquaintances than accepting and accompanying your child.  Grandparents, aunts, aunts, uncles, uncles, neighbours ... All are high on the list that you may have to explain to about your child and tell them why your child has changed so much.  The difficulty of doing this is when it comes to explaining to older people than yourself and the elderly, those who can no longer challenge their past gender stereotypes.

You are supposed to be a defender for your child, but the difficulty is that you are going to protect them against your friends and relatives, and this will put you in a quandary.  The important thing is how to balance yourself to protect your child and friends and relatives.

So stay tuned....

Literature class! 

Not all people are familiar with the subject of transsexuals and many do not know about it, so you should not expect them to use the correct words and phrases right from the start. It may sound like words and phrases in the beginning are offensive or have a negative effect, but you should not be quick to go at them with a stick.  Try to explain to them yourself why these words are wrong, or where the negative value is, but do not try to tire them with complicated terms and words. Simplify and summarize with them and do not enter into complicated and confusing details


If you are going to attend a family picnic, a big party, a wedding or any other community that has a large number of relatives, be sure all the people who need to know about your child, so that they do not knowingly insult your child.  It's better to explain one by one to the people before the start of the party so that your child feels safe and has a good party.  Explain to individuals your child’s name and pronoun.  Teach them to not be surprised at the dress and appearance of your child and respect their identity.

Iron fence

Always in every family there may be someone who does not want to accept your child's identity. Despite all the patience, there are still some who do not want to accept this. Not accepting a topic from one of the relatives is not a big problem; it matters that the person is taking actions against your child and trying to disrespect them or insult them.

It's best to cut off relationship with that person. 

Try to limit traveling with this person. As long as you can interrupt their whole relationship with you, this will give your child and other relatives a message that your child is the most important thing and for their sake, you can interrupt the relationship with your relative but support your child. You can replace your disadvantaged friend or family, but do not forget that your child will no longer be replaced and your child will not be able to find another alternative to his or her parents. If your relationship with that friend or relative is very important to you, try to change their mind or ask for a knowledgeable and reliable parent or a parent for help.

No entry 

You are about to talk about the same child they used to be, just accept and explain your new identity. So you do not need to explain to your child's relatives and describe all of their situations and behaviours. Suffice it to say that your child's behaviour and situation are a private matter between you and your child, and the whole city is not supposed to be notified.  Explain sex and gender differences, tell them gender identity, and talk about gender disorder. Explain the religious issues and explain the legal path.

How your child walked, how would you laugh, how to do surgery, and ... that not everyone trans child has to have surgery. Keep your child's privacy.

Happy joy

our child needs family support more than surgery, hormones, friends, and so on.  Do not forget, their success depends on your support.

You can change your place of residence, you can find new friends, but your child cannot find new parents.  If your child feels calm and happy, then you should be proud of yourself because it's because of your support.

You cannot change their identity by rejecting, punishing or reprimanding your child. You can not go to the war of spirit and identity, that would just take them away from you and into a community that does not welcome a single person and which would easily send them to the wolves to kill them.

This is not a transitory step, and you should not worry about your parent's support for this situation.  You gave birth to them, so you are responsible for them.

Do not try to change them with pills, shock therapy, wrong counselling to forget their identity. By doing this, you will only harm their mental health and body, and slowly move them away from you, and they have to go to the stranger to fill the vacancy of the family, who do not get mice at the mercy of God.

So know that the first and most important and best protector of your child is you.” OK

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